25 DAYS OF PUNS
THANKS TO FRANK SIMON FOR SENDING THESE TO ME!!!
25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
24. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication
23. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure? The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
22. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
21. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
20. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The flight attendant looks at him and says,
"I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
19. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
17. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
16. A backward poet writes inverse.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of
3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.